Today I have an excerpt from Conversation Secrets of Popular
People, the top selling course people asked me to create.
Enjoy these tips and remember to start using them right away!
10 Mindset Shifts that Guarantee Great Conversations
1 Forget about Perfection
We need to adopt a trial and error approach to every conversation.
It can take a few false starts before a conversation takes on a
life of its own. And the only way to hit on a good topic is to test
the waters with a few different ideas. If you try an idea and it
doesn`t work that does not mean you are failing. This is not a
reason to feel self-conscious and nervous about continuing.
If the other person does not run with it simply try a different
angle to get the conversation flowing. We need an attitude of
testing, observing the reaction we get and adjusting our approach
until... we hit on a winner.
This is exactly what great conversationalists do. They don`t expect
to be psychic and to hit on a great conversation topic right away.
They know it takes trial and error to find a topic that is of
mutual interest.
And this is the opposite of what shy people often do. They demand
perfection in a situation where this is simply not possible. Then
they worry about failing in conversation, they get nervous and its
all down hill from there.
Notice however that this is largely a problem of attitude. Getting
yourself in an unresourceful state like this shuts down your
ability to think straight and even if you had lots to talk about
you end up feeling stuck and tongue tied.
This is why it so important to adopt this trial and error, watch
for feedback and then adjust outlook. Take the pressure off and aim
to always be adapting to the person you are talking to.
2 Lead with Emotion
When you introduce a conversation topic there are two ways to do
it. One way is to desperately hope the other person goes for it and
to cautiously introduce a new topic. This is very unnerving for the
other person. They observe your cautious body language, hear the
tension in your voice and see the anxiety in your face. This is no
way to engage a persons interest and attention.
The best way to start a new topic is to lead with enthusiasm and
energy. Aim to be a little more energetic and a little more
enthusiastic than the current tone of the conversation. This way
you lead the other person comfortably without freaking them out.
You see, if you jump too high you can come across as "over the top"
and worry the other person that you are too enthusiastic or even a
little crazy.
Ultimate Conversional Hypnosis
Simply speak with more energy and express yourself with enthusiasm.
Ever notice how chat show hosts talk? Watch these masters of
conversation in action and you`ll see they do exactly what I`m
talking about. They always put energy and enthusiasm into what they
are saying and this keeps people watching because surely there must
be something interesting to hear if the guy is so excited!
3 Keep it Positive
When meeting new people and making small talk with friends,
colleagues and neighbors always keep the conversation on positive
topics. Only introduce positive news, views and opinions. Never go
down a negative path with someone you do not know because this can
quickly kill the conversation and leave an awkward silence you
cannot recover from.
If you are talking to people you know well then the conversation is
more likely to open up quickly and cover both positive and negative
issues. That`s to be expected just bear in mind that if your goal
is an upbeat and fun conversation at some point you need to direct
it back onto a positive topic.
What can you do if the other person keeps complaining and talking
negatively? You can stay on the same topic and look for positive
angles to the issue if there are any or change the topic to a more
positive one. Choose! Yes make that choice rather than staying
stuck in the negativity.
4 Good Conversation is Story Telling
Popular people know one secret most people don`t know. All great
conversation comes down to great story telling. Think about it.
People who keep you listening and eager to know more do so by
telling great stories.
They don`t just give you the facts they tell you a surprising story
with ups and downs, tension and an unexpected ending. And they tell
you the story in such a way that you just have to keep listening to
find out what happened.
Let`s say you are talking to someone and you want to introduce a
new topic. You want to test out the idea of talking about vacations
in Europe. Forget about introducing facts and vacation schedules.
Forget about mentioning the negatives involved with travel. Instead
tell a story about something unusual or interesting that happened
to you, a friend or a celebrity while on vacation in Europe.
Start the story with a good opening... "We`re looking at going to
Europe for a vacation but we`re undecided after all the crazy
things that happened last year when we were in Rome." Say this with
a smile, then pause, to see if the other person grabs the bait.
Very often, he`ll ask a question to find out more now that his
curiosity is aroused.
On the other hand if, as you pay close attention to the reaction of
the other person, there is no apparent interest it might be good to
quickly move onto a different topic. Change the direction of the
conversation by saying something like... "On the other hand we
might do something different for a change. Can you recommend any
good destinations a little more local?"
By doing this you are staying on the vacation theme but adjusting
your approach to get a response. Then, when you hit on a topic of
interest remember to tell stories in an engaging way - save the
best until last so that curiosity keeps the other person listening.
People, the top selling course people asked me to create.
Enjoy these tips and remember to start using them right away!
10 Mindset Shifts that Guarantee Great Conversations
1 Forget about Perfection
We need to adopt a trial and error approach to every conversation.
It can take a few false starts before a conversation takes on a
life of its own. And the only way to hit on a good topic is to test
the waters with a few different ideas. If you try an idea and it
doesn`t work that does not mean you are failing. This is not a
reason to feel self-conscious and nervous about continuing.
If the other person does not run with it simply try a different
angle to get the conversation flowing. We need an attitude of
testing, observing the reaction we get and adjusting our approach
until... we hit on a winner.
This is exactly what great conversationalists do. They don`t expect
to be psychic and to hit on a great conversation topic right away.
They know it takes trial and error to find a topic that is of
mutual interest.
And this is the opposite of what shy people often do. They demand
perfection in a situation where this is simply not possible. Then
they worry about failing in conversation, they get nervous and its
all down hill from there.
Notice however that this is largely a problem of attitude. Getting
yourself in an unresourceful state like this shuts down your
ability to think straight and even if you had lots to talk about
you end up feeling stuck and tongue tied.
This is why it so important to adopt this trial and error, watch
for feedback and then adjust outlook. Take the pressure off and aim
to always be adapting to the person you are talking to.
2 Lead with Emotion
When you introduce a conversation topic there are two ways to do
it. One way is to desperately hope the other person goes for it and
to cautiously introduce a new topic. This is very unnerving for the
other person. They observe your cautious body language, hear the
tension in your voice and see the anxiety in your face. This is no
way to engage a persons interest and attention.
The best way to start a new topic is to lead with enthusiasm and
energy. Aim to be a little more energetic and a little more
enthusiastic than the current tone of the conversation. This way
you lead the other person comfortably without freaking them out.
You see, if you jump too high you can come across as "over the top"
and worry the other person that you are too enthusiastic or even a
little crazy.
Ultimate Conversional Hypnosis
Simply speak with more energy and express yourself with enthusiasm.
Ever notice how chat show hosts talk? Watch these masters of
conversation in action and you`ll see they do exactly what I`m
talking about. They always put energy and enthusiasm into what they
are saying and this keeps people watching because surely there must
be something interesting to hear if the guy is so excited!
3 Keep it Positive
When meeting new people and making small talk with friends,
colleagues and neighbors always keep the conversation on positive
topics. Only introduce positive news, views and opinions. Never go
down a negative path with someone you do not know because this can
quickly kill the conversation and leave an awkward silence you
cannot recover from.
If you are talking to people you know well then the conversation is
more likely to open up quickly and cover both positive and negative
issues. That`s to be expected just bear in mind that if your goal
is an upbeat and fun conversation at some point you need to direct
it back onto a positive topic.
What can you do if the other person keeps complaining and talking
negatively? You can stay on the same topic and look for positive
angles to the issue if there are any or change the topic to a more
positive one. Choose! Yes make that choice rather than staying
stuck in the negativity.
4 Good Conversation is Story Telling
Popular people know one secret most people don`t know. All great
conversation comes down to great story telling. Think about it.
People who keep you listening and eager to know more do so by
telling great stories.
They don`t just give you the facts they tell you a surprising story
with ups and downs, tension and an unexpected ending. And they tell
you the story in such a way that you just have to keep listening to
find out what happened.
Let`s say you are talking to someone and you want to introduce a
new topic. You want to test out the idea of talking about vacations
in Europe. Forget about introducing facts and vacation schedules.
Forget about mentioning the negatives involved with travel. Instead
tell a story about something unusual or interesting that happened
to you, a friend or a celebrity while on vacation in Europe.
Start the story with a good opening... "We`re looking at going to
Europe for a vacation but we`re undecided after all the crazy
things that happened last year when we were in Rome." Say this with
a smile, then pause, to see if the other person grabs the bait.
Very often, he`ll ask a question to find out more now that his
curiosity is aroused.
On the other hand if, as you pay close attention to the reaction of
the other person, there is no apparent interest it might be good to
quickly move onto a different topic. Change the direction of the
conversation by saying something like... "On the other hand we
might do something different for a change. Can you recommend any
good destinations a little more local?"
By doing this you are staying on the vacation theme but adjusting
your approach to get a response. Then, when you hit on a topic of
interest remember to tell stories in an engaging way - save the
best until last so that curiosity keeps the other person listening.
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